I stopped writing on this blog at the time because it was this month that my mother was diagnosed with cancer called mantle cell lymphoma. 2006 was an awful year. My mother ended up passing on after quite the battle in October 2006. I miss you so much and wish you were here now to help me through this. I know yours would be the greatest comfort. Going through this without you is unbearable.

I love Eyeshadow. I love MAC, NARS and URBAN DECAY. I love to do all kinds of wicked and dramatic designs on my eyes. I love how makeup can just transform your whole look from smokey to sultry to bright eyes. It is so much fun and I am really enjoying creating all kinds of looks. All my life I never wore make-up. Now I am 30 and can't get enough of it. Whatever makes you happy.

I am happy today. I am also having a much better week than last week. I have gotten my eating under control, FINALLY! My sweet little binge addiction. I feel like I have taken a step towards learning how to control my addiction a little better. In the past, whenever I had a binge, I would beat the holy hell out of myself emotionally. This time last week when I was down and out binging, I told myself over and over, "I am not angry at you for eating this way. You are not a horrible person for eating this way. You have nothing to be angry about. You have a beautiful life." You know, I should have worse problems. If that is the only thing I am dealing with, then I am lucky. So anyway, Sunday and Monday I ate like a human being. So far so good today.

Nikki suggested reading a blog called Mystic Visions, so I did and it inspired me greatly. It made perfect sense. Try to do in life what makes you feel alive inside. For me it is languages and world culture. So, I applied to the Berlitz Language center for a position. Berlitz is a language center that teaches just about every language in the world. If I could just be around that environment, I would be one step closer to my dream. It would please me greatly. Hopefully I will get a phone call. If not, that is fine too. I never question fate and I believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything is riding on your Karma. Adios

I LOVE LANGUAGES! If I could do anything for a job it would be to learn languages. I like to immerse myself in a language, learn it, live it, speak it like a native. I like to make mistakes while learning the language, so many that I become fluent in the language. What I am saying, is that the mistakes cause breakthroughs in understanding the very meat of the language. I feel alive when I study French, Arabic, Portuguese, or what ever language I am pursuing. My favorite setting for learning a language is of course in it's country of origin. I did this in France and Costa Rica and they were some of the most exhilarating times of my life. Oh that is what I love to do and that is what I WANT to do. But some how I am stuck. Stuck in my job. Also, another love in my life is my boyfriend whom I adore and enjoy my life with everyday. However, because I am in a relationship, I cannot pursue my other dream and passion which is my languages. Oh the conflicts! If I was single, I am telling you right now that I would be in Italy studying Italian. Darn it. For now I can just appease myself by studying the languages here at home (phooey! NOT THE SAME!). But it hurts so much that I cannot pursue my dreams. You know on one hand I am living one dream, I live with the love of my life in peace, yet I still struggle with my extreme yearning for my languages. Whatever.

Hello, I would love to live in every country for at least 6 months so that I can learn the language, culture, customs of that country. Essentially I would like to become the people of whatever country that I would be in, experience what it is and how it feels to be the people of that country. I had the opportunity to do this in Costa Rica and France. I feel so alive when I experience new cultures and learn new languages. Unfortunately, my journeys have had to stop as of late because money doesn't grow on trees! Ugh! I am also in a beautiful relationship and traveling away to another country for six months would probably not prove beneficial to my relationship. I am torn. I cannot complain. At least I had the opportunity to execute part of my dreams. I love my life nonetheless. That's all for now.